Tenchi
by Crowbar
Summary: A "filk" or parody of "Nookie" by the ever-annoying Limp Bizkit for an ever-annoying guy... Fitting, eh?


"Tenchi"  
A parody of "Nookie" by Limp Bizkit  
By John "Crowbar" Hurst (MakoReno@aol.com)  
http://www.geocities.com/sir_crowbar/  
----  
  
[SCENE- A relatively empty stage area out in the middle of nowhere. The stage itself is in  
terrible condition, with its wallpaper almost being completely ripped off the wall, the floor  
covered with old band posters, and even some semi-destroyed seats... Translation? This is the  
results of what happens after a mosh pit. Amongst the middle of the trash is a small, wooden  
chair with some dude in it. The camera pans as he looks thoughtfully at this stage. You shall  
now refer to this guy as... Director. Yes, it's not original, but live with it. Okay?  
There, now since that part is done and over with...]  
  
Director: [Looking at the camera] Ah, greetings. You're just in time to see my latest and greatest  
masterpiece yet. You see, after seeing the requirements for 90's music as of late, I decided  
that hey, anybody could be a star. All they need is charisma by how God knows what and lyrics  
that make 3rd Grade work look like a best selling novel. So, after finding the right subject,  
some... secret... ripping of a certain Limp Bizkit song, and finding someone who'd actually  
*DO* it, I began to work on this project. And this is where it begins. [Grits his teeth]   
This *magnificent* place pointed out to us by some idiotic Century 21st people. Anyway,  
enjoy my masterpiece.... BRING OUT OUR VICT... err... SINGER!  
  
[As a response, a couple of hands push a certain anime star onto the stage. Oddly enough (For him, anyway.), he is wearing a load of cheap Tommy Hilfiger clothes, a couple of gold chains that  
seem to weigh him down, slick pants, and last, but certainly not least, a kitchen clock tied  
around his neck to a piece of string found at your local K-Mart. If you looked at the face  
of this certain person, you could immedently tell who he is... Tenchi. In rap clothes. Please,  
at least read the rest of the filk before going into a cardiac arrest.]  
  
Tenchi: [Looking at himself.] .... Why me? Why me?  
  
Director: Because you are just as annoying as that Fred Durst fellow..  
  
Tenchi. I... see.... HEY!  
  
Director: Now, now, Tenchi, my boy. There's no need to get excited.  
  
Tenchi: Excited? *Excited*? How can I get excited? I got dragged all the way to God who knows  
where, forced to read these terrible lyrics implanted to a group of music I don't even like,  
and worst of all are the silly clothes! I feel like I'm getting ready for Halloween here!  
  
Director: I'm glad you like 'em, Tenchi. BUT, enough chit-chat. Mistro?   
  
[The Mistro (Actually, a sound director getting paid below minimum wage and forced to live  
out of his car... Sad really...), hits a couple of buttons, equalizes the settings, and hits  
the all-gracious button known as "Play". As the music begins to play, Tenchi walks around the  
stage worriedly. Meanwhile, our ego-filled director thinks he is *dancing*... Huh.]  
  
Tenchi: What do I do? What do I do?  
  
Direction: Just read off the lyrics! You'll do fine!  
  
SONG BEGINS.... NOW  
  
Tenchi.... Muyo.  
  
I was just a normal guy in every way. Then suddenly they came that faithful day.  
Ryoko in the cave, Aeka from space, then they try to seduce me like it was a race. Hey,  
I remember the day, when the GPD came, and try to take Ryoko away. And now they're stuck,   
like the rest of us. And I can't get any privacy at all. (Hey)  
  
Like a wimp. (Hey)  
Like a wimp. (Hey)  
Like a wimp. (Hey)  
Would you stop? (No)  
Would you stop? (No)  
Can you stop? (No)  
Please? (No)  
  
Should I be feeling bad? (No.) Should I be feeling good? (Oh hell yeah!) It's all okay, except  
for their weird attitude. And you would think that would be enough (Yeah!), but then Washu  
appeared. And she always seems near, yeah. And then we have Sasami, and then Rhy-ohki.  
Cute pair that's always friends. Hey, can't this just ever end? This is my life, this is my life..  
  
And my name is Tenchi! (Come on!) It's Tenchi. (Come on!) Last name's Masaki. And this is my  
(Yeah!), This is my (Yeah!), This is my (Yeah!) This is my....  
  
And my name is Tenchi! (Come on!) It's Tenchi. (Come on!) Last name's Masaki. And this is my  
(Yeah!), This is my (Yeah!), This is my (Yeah!) This is my....  
  
... Life.   
p  
Why did this happen to me? Why do I have to run away? I got away from them, eventually.  
But Washu still wants that sample from me. I can't believe that I live this life (But you do),  
with all these girls. But I gotta fight, because of my father. He has that camera, that's his  
befriender, and tapes that he *ahems* "Renders".  
  
Like a perv. (Hey.)  
Not again. (Yeah.)  
Could you stop? (No.)  
Come on, please? (No.)  
Maybe? (No.)  
For a bribe? (.. No.)  
Alright then (Fine.)  
  
And my name is Tenchi! (Come on!) It's Tenchi. (Come on!) Last name's Masaki. And this is my  
(Yeah!), This is my (Yeah!), This is my (Yeah!) This is my....  
  
And my name is Tenchi! (Come on!) It's Tenchi. (Come on!) Last name's Masaki. And this is my  
(Yeah!), This is my (Yeah!), This is my (Yeah!) This is my....  
  
... Life.   
  
I'm only human, so? They say they all want me. Well, I just don't know... It's just hard to be   
like so... I appreciate it, I do, but can't they leave me alone (Leave me alone)? Privacy, is all  
I really need. But maybe someday, maybe today, I'll stand up and grow a spine in some way. I'll  
make that decision, make that collision, and my life will never be the same. I'll  
make that decision, make that collision, and my life will never be the same.   
  
  
And my name is Tenchi! (Come on!) It's Tenchi. (Come on!) Last name's Masaki. And this is my  
(Yeah!), This is my (Yeah!), This is my (Yeah!) This is my....  
  
And my name is Tenchi! (Come on!) It's Tenchi. (Come on!) Last name's Masaki. And this is my  
(Yeah!), This is my (Yeah!), This is my (Yeah!) This is my.... LIFE!  
  
AND SONG ENDS... NOW. WE HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR FLIGHT THROUGH HELL AND BACK.  
  
[As the song ends, the director claps in amazement. He actually *enjoys* this kind of thing.   
Meanwhile, poor Tenchi is exhausted over what just happened to him.]  
  
Tenchi: I... Can't believe... I just did that.... Ack.... Talking like Shatner... Talking  
like Shatner... Help...  
  
Director: Great job, Tenchi! I knew you had it in you! Now, all we have to do is make the   
music video, bribe MTV, have a couple hundred photo shoots, merchandising, and boom! You'll  
be famous in no time!  
  
Tenchi: .... But... I'm already famous.  
  
Director: Umm... Well, that could be a problem. Still, let's just do the song a couple of times  
more.  
  
[Tenchi rolls his eyes back, and falls back down onto the hard wooden stage.]  
  
Director: Hello? Hello? Tenchi!? Ah hell, screw him... Bring in the next one!  
  
[The same couple of hands push in another certain anime star. She is also in rap styled clothes  
and is not having the most fun of times. Alongside her is a certain penguin wearing specialized  
rap-styled clothes. Can't you just smell the redundacy?]  
  
Director: Alright, Miss... Misato, is it? Let's hope you can make it past one of Lauryn Hill's  
songs... And oh boy, that rapping penguin will just make me BILLIONS....  
  
---  
Comments? Criticism? Flames for putting a couple of anime stars in this position? Yes, you  
can send them all to: MakoReno@aol.com. 


End file.
